i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
