Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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