Too much gin, very little bucket
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
We had to coat check the pizza.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Randomize
