Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i would one night stand the shit outta him
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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