i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize