are you so shy because you have an std?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
