I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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