If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Found your dick twin last night
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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