I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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