Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
