I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
