Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
