why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
