I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
