Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
