before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize