wrigley field is MILF paradise
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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