I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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