my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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