Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
The Olympian is in my bed
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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