I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Randomize
