I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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