Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
