What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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