you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
