i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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