I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i think my cat just said my name.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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