i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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