Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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