Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
