You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
