Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Randomize
