this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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