Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
