What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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