Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
