I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
