Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
