I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
