Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
