Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
