I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
