please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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