The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
