Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize