She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
