Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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