She said her name was "party"
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
