dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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