then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
