It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Randomize
