Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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