If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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