if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize