my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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