I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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