its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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