One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
