she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
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