I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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