so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
