Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
