New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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