Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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